It’s easy to forget that kids have to be taught pretty much everything, and that just because something seems as if it would be self-evident to even the littlest of minds, it probably isn’t.
While this is true at all times of the year, it seems especially important to keep in mind over the holidays.
- Even though Play-doh is a lot like cookie dough, and can easily be cut into holiday shapes that look exactly like the sugar cookies Grandma makes, you can’t bake it. And if you do, it smells really, really bad for days.
- Magic Marker shouldn’t be used to decorate Christmas cookies. Or mommy’s new Christmas dress.
- Taking a bite of raw dough is probably not going to make you sick, but eating all the raw dough in the bowl probably will. (Although probably not until 3 am.)
- Santa is not fat because he’s so completely stressed out at the thought of losing his job he’s eating too much. (Though he will be cutting back a little this year, so you might not get absolutely everything you put on your list.)
- Just because you like egg nog doesn’t mean you can have as much as you want. This also goes for the dog.
DASHER: What’s wrong? You look pissed.
COMET: Did you see the memo? “To reindeer, from Santa: due to unforeseen weather conditions, effective immediately, Rudolph will assume responsibility for sleigh navigation and team member management.”
DASHER: Rudolph’s gonna lead the sleigh tonight!?!?!?! But Rudolph doesn’t even have any experience.
COMET: I know: how can somebody who’s never even been on the team step in and lead it?
DASHER: I guess if you kiss the right ass, anything’s possible.
COMET: Yeah, forget “red nose,” they oughta call him “brown nose.”
DASHER: Doesn’t Santa realize there’s a reason we never let Rudolph join in any of our reindeer games?
COMET: You know Santa as well as I do: he only cares if you’re “good” or “bad,” not if you’re bossy, manipulative, selfish and conniving.
DASHER: Personally, I find the whole thing insulting. I mean, have we ever let Santa down before? Doesn’t he believe in us?
COMET: Sometimes I think Santa’s not just thick around the middle, he’s thick in the head, too. But what can I say? The fog’s got him worried.
DASHER: What he should be worried about is Rudolph getting a DUI.
COMET: Huh?
DASHER: C’mon – why do you think they call him “red” nose?
COMET: I had no idea.
DASHER: And the worst part is we’ll all just go along with it because that’s what good reindeer do.
COMET: We’re enablers.
DASHER: And then, when Christmas is over and all the children of the world have their toys, everybody will say it’s all because of Rudolph.
COMET: Oh, c’mon. We’ll get some of the credit.
DASHER: Mark my words: Rudolph will go down in history.
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