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WHAT OTHER PARENTS REALLY MEAN

They say: We don’t eat anything that’s not organic.
They mean: …except McDonald’s, KFC, Taco Bell or anyone else who gives a toy with a meal.


They say: I never spank my kids.
They mean: …unless they talk back, won’t listen, embarrass me in public or just piss me off.


They say: I only let my kids watch educational programming.
They mean: Cinemax is educational, right?


They say: My kids brush and floss their teeth every night without being told.
They mean: I think my kids brush and floss their teeth every night without being told, but I’m not really sure because I fall asleep on the sofa at 7:30.


They say: I never lie to my kids.
They mean: …unless I have to.


They say: My kids are really good eaters.
They mean: …as long as they get food they like, otherwise, just forget it.


They say: My kids are responsible.
They mean: …for leading all the other kids in the neighborhood astray.


NOTE: WE NOW HAVE ECARDS BASED ON SOME OF THESE SAYINS HERE

June 26th, 2009 | Tags: , , | Category: all, anger, rage & frustration, neighbors

THE MANY MEANINGS OF “NO”

“No.”
“Never.”
“Probably not.”
“Maybe.”
“I’m not really listening.”
“Ask your mother.”
“You forgot to say please.”
“Huh?”
“No, unless you keep asking me over and over again and then yes.”
“I don’t understand the question.”
“I’m too tired.”
“Okay, but you can’t tell anyone I said yes.”

June 8th, 2009 | Tags: , | Category: all, anger, rage & frustration, family, parenting

OVERHEARD AT THE WHITE HOUSE

POLLSTER: I’m sorry to be the one to say this, Mr. President, but we have a problem.
PRESIDENT OBAMA: What is it now?
POLLSTER: It’s your wife.
PRESIDENT OBAMA: Michelle?
POLLSTER: Yes.
PRESIDENT OBAMA: No way! Michelle is great. Michelle is awesome. I love Michelle. Michelle is the best thing that ever happened to me.
POLLSTER: Yes, of course she is.
PRESIDENT OBAMA: Then what’s the problem?
POLLSTER: You’re making other husbands look bad.
PRESIDENT OBAMA: Because I take my wife on dates? Or say nice things about her in public? Or treat her with the respect and admiration she deserves?
POLLSTER: Yes.
PRESIDENT OBAMA: What’s wrong with that?
POLLSTER: Nobody else does it.
PRESIDENT OBAMA: Then maybe they should? In fact, maybe we should add that to our list of priorities?
POLLSTER: Yes, Mr. President, but before we do I should point out that polls suggest we might want to focus on the economy, education, national healthcare, Iraq, Iran, North Korea and Afghanistan, first.
PRESIDENT OBAMA: Because people think they’re more important?
POLLSTER: Because people think they’re easier.

June 7th, 2009 | Tags: , | Category: all, neighbors