| 01. The U.S. Economy is in the worst shape since: |
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’82. |
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’73. |
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The Great Depression. |
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I don’t know – what’s worse than The Great Depression? |
| 02. Because of the economic crisis I have reduced my household spending: |
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15% across the board. |
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To the point where it doesn’t exceed my income. (Who’d of thought that would be so hard, huh?) |
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Entirely - I don’t have any household expenses because I lost my house. |
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Not at all. (Thank you pre-Bailout Wall Street bonus!) |
| 03. My home is now worth: |
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More than what I originally paid for it, but nowhere near as much as I owe in home equity lines. |
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Half what my mortgage broker swore it would be worth when I bought it two years ago using an adjustable rate interest-only loan that I am just now finding out he got a huge fee for talking me into. |
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It’s the bank’s problem now, so who cares? |
| 04. If I had to describe my outlook for the economy in one word it would be: |
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Bad. |
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Badder. |
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Baddest. |
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As George W. Bush might say “Badderest.” |
| 05. The best way to fix the economy is: |
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The House version of the stimulus plan. |
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The Senate version of the stimulus plan. |
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Get a loan from Bill Gates. |
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Make everybody on Wall Street who got a bonus over the last five years give it back. |
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Hold a really big bake sale and hope everybody in China feels guilty enough about selling us all those tainted products to buy 1 billion $800 brownies. |
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Pray. |
| 06. I think the government is doing everything it can to fix the economy: |
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Which is why I think the best course of action is to be optimistic and wait for the turnaround. |
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Which is why I’m truly frightened. |
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Or I would think that if I wasn’t numbing myself with prescription anti-depressants and alcohol. |
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Who are we kidding? The government?!?!? The government got us into this mess in the first place with all that “ownership society” bullshit, lobbyist-written bills, de-regulation and quid pro quo campaign contributions. If the government was trying not to fix the economy then maybe we’d have a chance, otherwise forget it. |
| 07. The one person I think is most likely to fix the economy is: |
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President Obama, which almost certainly guarantees that every Republican on Capitol Hill will try to stop him. |
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John McCain, but he didn’t get elected. |
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Bernie Madoff (which sounds crazy until you realize this is the guy who ran a $50 billion ponzi scheme for 30 years before he got caught, and if he could do the same thing with the $50 trillion U.S. economy, why the hell not? The rest of the world already blames us, so why not take even more of their money and have some fun.) |
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My 4-year-old son - ’cause his generation will be the ones who actually have to pay off whatever deficit we run up now. |
| 08. If I had the last 8 years to do over I would: |
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Have bought a lot more property on thin, shaky, questionable credit but sold it all at the end of ’05. |
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Taken the cash from my home equity line and stashed it in the mattress instead of buying flat screen HDTVs for my bathrooms. |
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Have bought a big, huge, gas-guzzling Hummer in ’01 because then I would have been able to drive it for a few years without everyone looking at my like I’m single-handedly warming the planet with every mile I drive. |
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Shorted A.I.G., the Big Three auto makers, Lehman Brothers and WaMu. |
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Enjoyed it while it lasted. |
| 09. The most important lesson I’ve learned from the economic crisis is: |
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Spend less, save more. |
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If it seems to good to be true it probably is. |
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Greed makes everybody stupid, especially people who live in Washington D.C. |
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Nothing. (Sad, I know, but at least I’m being honest.) |
| 10. If things don’t turnaround in the next few months I’m: |
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Moving back in with my parents. |
| 11. Ultimately I blame: |
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Wall Street. |
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Main Street for thinking it could make money like Wall Street. |
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Poor government regulation of banks, mortgage brokers, hedge funds, the securities industry and itself. |
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George W. Bush. |
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Bill Clinton (who really didn’t have anything to do with the mess we’re in now but is still my scapegoat of choice for everything liberal). |
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Sarah Palin (who definitely didn’t have anything to do with the mess we’re in now but is still my scapegoat of choice for everything conservative). |
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Barack Obama (and if not now, surely by this summer). |
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My spouse for talking us into buying a house I knew we couldn’t afford. |
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My parents (because I wouldn’t be going through this hell if I wasn’t ever born). |
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Myself, even though it’s hard to admit. |
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God. |
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All of the above. |
| 12. If I get through this without losing everything, I plan to take to heart the lessons I’ve learned and devote my life to: |
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Doing something that makes society as a whole a better place. |
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Finding work I feel is personally satisfying rather than just financially rewarding. |
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Finding better work-life balance. |
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Any of the above, but only after I’ve paid off the credit cards I’ve been living on, which will probably take decades. |
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