PEANUT! PEANUT! WHO’S GOT THE PEANUT?

Husband: What’s with all the trash bags?
Wife: We need to throw out everything in the cabinets that has peanuts in it.
Husband: First contaminated Chinese imports, now this – aren’t these signs of the apocalypse?
Wife: Just reach up there and grab that box of pancake mix from the top shelf, will ya?
Husband: Pancake mix?!?!?
Wife: And those potato chips, too.
Husband: Uh… last time I checked neither had peanuts in it.
Wife: Check again.
Husband: Wow – “Allergen warning: may contain peanuts.” Are there peanuts in everything?
Wife: That’s why people are so freaked out.
Husband: I better grab these two 96 oz. jars of Skippy we got at Costco while I’m up here, too.
Wife: No, they’re fine: peanut butter isn’t part of the recall.
Husband: What?
Wife: Doesn’t make sense, does it?
Husband: How can “peanut butter” not be part of a peanut recall?
Wife: Beats me.
Husband: You know what’s gonna happen, don’t you? In a few months the government’s gonna say they were wrong and that peanuts are okay and that the media just over-reacted.
Wife: Maybe.
Husband: So I say we forget this nonsense.
Wife: You want us to ignore the warning and go have a couple Snickers and a bag of Poppycock?
Husband: No – we’re still on our post-Christmas diet. But I don’t think we really need to throw anything out.
Wife: And you’re sure about that?
Husband: Sure enough.
Wife: Fine, but if anybody throws up in their bed… on the carpet in the living room… in the back seat of your car… you get to clean it up.
Husband: Me?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: All of it?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: On second thought, why take chances!